hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
