I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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