dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
