next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
