I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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