you will always have a special place in my vag
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
