He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
