I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
