Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
