I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Randomize
