plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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