i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
