And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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