Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
