we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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