I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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