i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
