Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize