I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I smell stomach acid.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
