My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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