dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
