I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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