The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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