did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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