Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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