guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize