I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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