Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
