Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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