So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
