highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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