you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
