Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
