I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
