there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My feet surprised me
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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