it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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