Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
