I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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