I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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