i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
