Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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