A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
