Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
