i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
