your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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