I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
