You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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