i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
