I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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