You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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