y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
