I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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