fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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