My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
