and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
