dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
