Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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