I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize