he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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