piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
