dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I have aggressive nipples.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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