didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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