it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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