she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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