I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
