operation have a gay friend backfired
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize