it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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