3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Don't make out with my wife yet
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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