we have officially lost it.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
