38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We had sex on a dog bed..
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
