I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
