Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
